Intention

Capture Your Grief 2015
Day #2: Intention

Intention:  (Definition) A thing intended.  An aim or a plan.  The healing process of a wound.

I love to exercise and I have always been an active person.  But lately I haven't been taking care of myself.  I run, but I don't enjoy it anymore.  I work out at the YMCA, but I dread seeing people there.  I try to go for walks and bike rides, but it just feels "hard".  I miss my excitement for exercise.  And since I haven't been enjoying it, I just don't do it.  

I think the reason why I have been struggling to exercise is because I've been angry at my body.  It failed me at the most important time of my life.  It couldn't take care of Gabriella.  And I am so mad that my body wasn't strong enough to fight off the infection and save her.  I feel like my body is to blame for this tragedy.  If only I had been healthier, stronger, better...maybe my baby girl would be here with me instead of in heaven.  

So lately I have been neglecting my body.  I don't exercise, I don't eat healthy, and I haven't been feeling good about myself and the way I look.  But enough is enough.  I know my precious baby girl was always meant for heaven.  There is nothing I could have done to keep her here with me.  And now I owe it to her to take better care of myself.  Because I have two little boys and a husband who need a healthy and happy mommy and wife.  I want to enjoy life to the fullest with them.  And to do that I need to be mentally and physically healthy.  

It is my intention to be healthy and to take care of my body in a better manner. 

I intend to find my love of exercise once again.  I intend to eat healthy meals and to drink plenty of water.  I intend to pray and to build my faith.  I intend to stop negative self-talk and to focus on the positives in my life.  I intend to love others with my whole heart and I intend to live life with no regrets.