Gabriella Grace

I have been dreading coming back to this site.  A week after I was last here my world fell apart.  On December 11, 2014, Gabriella Grace was born still weighing 1lb. 10oz.  She was, and will always be, beautiful.  She is our guardian angel.  We miss her so much.

I wish I could tell a different story.  I wish I was still pregnant.  I would have been starting my 30th week this week.  Oh, how I wish I was.  But that wasn't God's plan.  Instead, on December 11th I woke up feeling "off".  I didn't feel good.  And when I stood up I felt contractions...and that was the only thing I felt.  I couldn't feel my baby girl.  My baby girl who was constantly moving and who always favored the right side of my belly.  She would move so much that we could physically see her pop the right side of my belly out.  Oh, how I loved feeling her move.  Brett and I drove to Sioux Falls on the icy roads praying for a miracle but knowing the end result would not be good.  Once we arrived at the specialist's office, the nurse could not find a heartbeat on the doppler.  I knew she wouldn't.  The last time I had felt our baby girl move was the night before right before I drifted to sleep.  It had felt like she was repeatedly kicking me in my ribs.  Now I wonder if she was trying to warn me that something was wrong.  I wish I would have listened.  The ultrasound proved what we all knew....our baby girl's heartbeat had stopped.  She was gone.

The next couple of hours are a blur.  Here's what I do remember:
1. They rushed me to the Labor and Delivery floor.
2. I developed a fever hard and fast.  And I began to feel horribly sick.  The doctors believed I had an infection in my uterus which caused her heart to stop.
3. Although my body was going into labor naturally, they wanted to hurry the process along since I was sick.  I was given an epidural and medicine to induce labor, I was also given antibiotics through an IV since I had an infection.
4.  Labor lasted 5 hours.

Our baby girl was born an angel at 5:20pm.  We named her Gabriella Grace because it means "God is my strength".  We also wanted her to be named after the Christmas Angel Gabriel who comes to Mary when she is 6 months pregnant.  I was exactly 6 months pregnant when Gabriella was born.  We were able to hold her and keep her in our room that evening.

We cried, we hugged, we prayed.  And believe it or not, we did laugh too.  We felt relief that she was, and is, safe in Jesus' arms.  She felt no pain in this world.  She only felt the love and care we gave her while she grew in my tummy.  Selfishly, we miss her.  We miss what she should have been in our family...our daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend. Why God needed her in heaven this soon, we may never know.  But we do know she has a purpose in our lives, even while in heaven.  The title of my blog was named because I knew every second counted while being home on bed rest...it was one second closer to viability and a healthy baby.  Now I know differently...Every Second Counts in life.  We don't know what tomorrow may bring.  So love one another today.  Hug, laugh, live...show your loved ones how much they mean to you.  Because tomorrow it could be too late.