1. I need hugs.
This seems so simple, but it's true. I am not a touch-feely person, and I don't usually love having other people touch me. But through this experience I have realized that a hug can bring me back to reality when I am so lost in my own thoughts. A hug shows me that you care and this means so much to me. A hug is something that just makes me feel like I am not alone. And grief is lonely...
2. I need you to ask me how I'm doing.
Please know that when you ask me how I'm doing, I'm going to be completely honest with you. I'm going to tell you when I'm having a bad day or when my day has been good. Be prepared for that. I need you to care enough to listen to why I'm having a bad day. To find out what triggered my sadness at a particular moment. Because when I talk about it, I feel better.
3. I need to talk about Gabriella.
Gabriella is my daughter. She always will be even though she lives in heaven rather than in my arms. Please don't act like she never happened. I want to honor her by talking about her, by remembering her, by always loving her. You are not respecting me or my family if you cannot acknowledge that she is part of us. She is our guardian angel and not only is she watching over us and keeping us safe, she is also bringing us closer to God by strengthening our faith. She is way too important to forget.
4. I need you to stay positive.
We experienced something sad, hard, devastating, depressing, horrible...But that does not mean our lives are sad, hard, devastating, depressing, or horrible. Far from it. Gabriella has given us a purpose, a wake-up call to live life to the fullest. Please give us hope by finding the positive amidst the sadness. I never want my boys to think that our lives were ruined because Gabriella passed away. I never want them to look at me and think I was ruined after Gabriella was gone. Instead, I want them to see a change in me. A positive change that could only be orchestrated by God. And by seeing that change the boys would know God, see God, and feel God more in all of our lives.
5. I need you to tell me your story.
I have had women contact me through e-mail, Facebook, or letters to tell me that I'm not alone. Many of these women have stopped by my house to speak with me about the grief they experienced when losing their children. I cannot even begin to express to you how much it has meant to me to hear their stories. It has given me hope to see that they have found joy and peace through their pain. That there is light even in the darkest times. If you have lost a child at any stage of life, please tell me your story. Let's honor our children by talking about them and remembering them in our lives. I feel strongly that God places important people in our lives to help us at difficult times. This is His way to show us we are never alone.
6. I need you to pray.
This one is the most important thing I need. And I truly believe it's what every single grieving person needs. When you don't know what to say or do to help someone who is grieving...just pray. God will guide you in the right direction. Please pray for my family. Pray for peace as we learn to live a life with a piece of our hearts missing. Ask God to strengthen our faith and to learn to trust in His will. Please pray for light when the world seems so dark. And most importantly, please pray that God places hope in our hearts for a future that may seem scary but will ultimately fulfill God's purpose.
Thank you for your love, your kindness, your faith. I know I cannot handle my grief on my own. I am grateful for the support you give me. And it is my hope that I can help someone in the same manner some day.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
~2 Corinthians 1:3-4
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